When someone who you know is taking an unreasonable course of action which could cause that person or other people harm, it can be very frustrating when you cannot reason with him or her. It can be problematic in the workplace, and it may be uncomfortable within your social circle. Being unable to reason with a family member or someone with whom you are very close is particularly distressing. Naturally, you have a strong instinct to help and may feel helpless when you can’t simply because you can’t appeal to that person with reason. Here are some important things to consider about what you need to do in order to effectively persuade people to reconsider their thinking.

Employ Motivational Interviewing or Negotiation Skills

Attacking someone’s position may have the effect of making them advance it even more forcefully, and outright telling someone that he or she is wrong may be an exercise in futility. A better course of action is a dialog that enables that person to reach that conclusion on his or her own.

To enhance your ability to lead constructive dialogue, you can pursue negotiations training or a certification in motivational interviewing. You can learn how to ask a series of targeted questions that lead people to make their own journey in reasoning. These disciplines have excellent utility for reasoning rather than just arguing with them. It is a non-combative way to find out what’s a priority to people and ask them to consider what could happen if they proceed with a specific course of conduct.

Isolate Factual Issues

In recent years, there has been a growing divisiveness about factual matters because of disinformation throughout various forms of communication such as social media and television.The emergence of an increasingly pervasive tribalism that has become more important than facts in shaping people’s perception of reality. The discord that has been created has amplified the acceptance of inaccurate information as facts. People cannot agree on matters of fact rather than matters of opinion.

When someone will not respond to reason, it’s highly probable that falsehoods are a big part of their thinking. Find out if the person who you are trying to have an exchange with is operating with some faulty information. Ask questions about where people got the information and ask if they will consider reviewing materials from more credible sources. Also, in certain instances, people may be making assumptions about something rather than relying on facts which they know to be true. Try gently referring them back to the possibility that they may not have all of the information that they need to support a position.

Understand the Obstacles and Be Patient

Even when ideas that people have formed lack logical foundations, it can be really hard to dissuade someone of something that they have come to accept as certainties. There is a phenomenon called cognitive dissonance which makes it difficult for people to let go of beliefs to embrace other beliefs. Reshaping one’s thinking involves resetting activity that occurs in the brain’s neural pathways. A type of mental fatigue sets in before the brain can reset the activity and it reverts to retransmitting the same thoughts through the same pathways. Cognitive dissonance can be especially profound when situations are emotionally charged and feelings are a driving force in a person’s thought process.

It’s very important to be aware of this obstacle in the reasoning process. You have to remember that someone’s unresponsiveness isn’t necessarily obstinance but rather a natural product of the brain’s natural tendencies. Mindfulness about this will help you be patient and empathetic rather than exasperated.

Ultimately, reasoning with someone requires strong interpersonal skills, active listening, and emotional awareness. Your objective in reasoning with someone isn’t arguing. Instead of being a litigator, you want to be an educator and a counselor. People may be resistant to your efforts to help, so taking a tactful and strategic approach will help convey that your intentions are well-meaning.